You really coming over, don't trick.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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