I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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