i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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