Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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