I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
