I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
