I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
