you guys were way drunker than both of me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
