Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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