Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
