i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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