Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
