my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
