a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
