Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
