There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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