my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
