You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
