Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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