I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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