i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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