even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
