just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
