My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
