So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
