I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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