A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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