it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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