there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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