So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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