Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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