mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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