I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
