So drunk its hurt
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
