I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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