I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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