hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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