Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
