I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
