I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
