Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
