You just made me feel so damn special
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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