did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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