All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
