Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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