in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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