Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
