i already hear my dad disowning me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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