The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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