I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
