Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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